Good evening. I have decided to begin this blogging journey as a means of holding on to my sanity. As with most people I feel as if I have a lot going on in my life and I am constantly questioning whether I am doing enough. I feel as if I am doing more than I am capable of and yet less than what I expect of myself. Welcome to Womanhood!
As a mother of a 9 year old son, who society would tag as ‘ADHD’, I am continually advocating for understanding for this beautifully gifted boy. I am also the proud mother of an 11 year old daughter who could not be more different then me. However, she is often a great reflection of the things I do not like about myself and that I would like to improve for my children.
I have a loving husband who is also my polar opposite. Paul attempts to keep me emotionally grounded but I do tend to be a bit passionate and I constantly am over-committing myself and our family. I am working on this.
At the moment I am also the daughter of a mother who is dying of breast cancer. I am struggling to balance being her caregiver, keeping my job as the business manager of a psychotherapy practice and continue to meet the ever changing needs of my children. Luckily my husband takes care of himself by keeping busy with fishing and video games….again, we are complete opposites.
I am a woman who on the outside appears to have it together. On the inside I feel all torn apart. I have hidden anger, deep numbness and a mind that runs all the time. So that is the start of my story. The story of one woman with mental angst. The story of one woman trying to live up to her own expectations. The story of one mother who wants more for her children then she was given. The story of a daughter who wants to take care of her mother despite some underlying family tension. The story of a wife who loves her husband and often neglects the sacred relationship. A woman who finds it difficult to be a close friend to others out of fear that the friendship will demand more of her time then she has to give. A woman who never has enough time to meet her own expectations. A woman who wants to appear sunny to the world but has a pretty dark side. A woman who is very alone. That is me…………….